


Wherever you go, I'll follow

by siephilde42



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amara becomes God, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Don't copy to another site, Episode: s15e18 Despair, First Kiss, Getting Together, Guilt, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Child Abuse, bad memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:00:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28791378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siephilde42/pseuds/siephilde42
Summary: Instead of being left behind in the bunker, Dean jumps forward and is sucked into the Empty together with Cas. He manages to wake him up and get them out of the Empty.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 97





	Wherever you go, I'll follow

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by https://twitter.com/sapphicdeans/status/1349358532089565185?s=21

Dean can barely see through his tears, trying to understand what is happening as Billie comes closer and the... _thing_ emerges from the wall, charging at Billie and Cas.

And Cas is smiling at him. _Smiling._ Smiling, as the black goo envelops him. 

Before he is even aware of what he is doing, Dean is propelling himself upward and forward. It is only before in the instant before he hits the black goo that he has a conscious thought. _This is probably a bad idea, isn't it?_

*

He flinches, but does not duck away. After all, it is his fault. Not Sammy's. He will not have Dad taking it out on his little brother. Not for the first time he wishes Mom was still there.

*

He feels sick of himself. He had promised himself to never become a second John Winchester. And still... Of course, Sam is capable of defending himself, as his bruises attest. He brings up his hand to his lips to assess the damage and groans, blood sticking to his fingers. Yes, Sam is capable of lashing out as well, and it had been an escalation on both sides. Still. _Still._ He buries his head in his hands, sobbing.

*

Why did he do that? He remembers what it is like to be afraid of a father figure. Why did he yell at the boy? Ben was just curious. _I am not my father_ , he thinks, repeating it like a mantra. _I am not my father._

*

His stomach is in knots. He threw the boy against a wall. Of course he has not been himself, and he did it to protect the boy from worse harm. But still. _Still._

*

He wishes so much he could promise Cassie to come back. To be the sort of person who could promise her to leave this life. But of course he does not, and instead he kisses her goodbye.

*

Jo is dying, and there is nothing he can do. And she is dying because she protected him. Because she saved him. He wishes so much there was a way to save her. But of course there is not, and instead he kisses her goodbye.

*

He is yelling at Mom, telling her that he hates her. And he hates himself for yelling it. Of course, he also whispers at her "I love you." But still. _Still._

*

He sees the pain in the boy's eyes when he turns back from the bed where Amy Pond lies. A part of him wishes he could take back what he just did. But of course he cannot, and instead he tells the boy to look him up in a few years, and leaves.

*

"If something happened to Mary, you are dead to me. You are dead to me."

*

He is God now. And God can do anything. Including killing half of Heaven. Including killing people.

*

He needs a means to distract Dean and Bobby, so he tears down the wall in Sam's mind, almost destroying Sam Winchester.

*

He glares at the human, saying "I pulled you out of Hell. And I can drag you back."

*

"The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong", Cas pleads.

"Yeah, why does that something always seem to be..." Dean breaks off and blinks because something is different. This _is_ a memory, all right, but... His throat feels tight, and he whispers "Cas?"

Cas frowns, and in this moment Dean knows that this is the real Cas he is talking to. Not a figment of his imagination. Not a dream.

He sees realization form in the angel's eyes. "Dean?..."

Dean does not trust his voice to work, so he just nods.

The expression on Cas' face is sheer horror. "No." He shakes his head. "No. You cannot be here. This place... it is not for humans."

Dean scoffs. "Yeah, well, places like Death's drawing room are not meant for humans as well. Or Purgatory, for that matter. Which did not exactly keep me from going there, now, did it?" He knows that he sounds angry, much angrier than Cas' awkward words warrant. But they cannot address this right now. Wrong time and place. "Cas, we need to get out. You need to wake up."

Cas shakes his head again. "No. I made a deal. _You_ should wake up and leave, but I..."

The anger boils over, and Dean grabs Cas' arms, in a manner which has to hurt. But he does not care about that in this moment. He is shouting from the top of his lungs now, even if Cas' face is only a few inches away. "WAKE UP", he yells. "I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT YOU."

Around them, the bunker disappears, into... nothing. Darkness surrounds them.

Unsure, Dean loosens his grip a bit. "Uh... does this mean we woke up?"

Before Cas can answer, there is another voice booming. "I DON'T BELIEVE THIS." The voice seems to come from everywhere at once.

For a moment, there is absolute silence.

Then another voice appears, from a point close to Dean and Cas " _You._ How did you get in here?"

Dean turns around, confused for a moment, since the voice is the same one as Cas'. He swallows, staring at the Shadow. "I sort of hitched a ride", he replies, managing a small chuckle.

The figure steps closer to him, giving him a death glare. " _Out._ You don't belong here." It snaps its fingers, but nothing happens. Irritated, it glares at the human breaking out into laughter.

"I see", Dean brings out, still engrossed in laughter. "You can't _make_ me leave, can't you? Not if I don't want to."

The Shadow changes it strategy, morphing into another form, and Dean has to remind himself that this is not real. _It's not real. Still the same creature._

John's voice hollers at him. "I won't have you here! This is not your place."

Dean takes a deep breath. "I know. I should be in Hell, I think. But, hey, tough luck. Instead I'm here, and I have no intention of leaving."

The voice gets even louder. "I will find a way to throw you out, you _worthless_ creature."

Forcing his voice to stay calm and even, Dean replies "Maybe. You might. But see, there's a flaw in your thought process."

The figure in front of him says nothing, gives him a hateful glare.

"If you throw me out, I will find a way to come back and get Cas. Which will probably be very... noisy, at the least. ... And the other matter is, you see, if you don't let us go, Chuck will win. And Chuck _doesn't care._ About you or anyone else. You think he'll put you to sleep out of the goodness of his heart? Think again. ... On the other hand, if you let us go, Jack will take over Chuck's power and be able to put you to sleep. ... How about that?"

The Shadow grumbles. "What about when your angel eventually dies again? How do you want to guarantee that he will not wake up then?"

Dean gives an awkward chuckle. "How about we cross this bridge when we get to it?" He can feel cold sweat trickling down his neck. With a smirk which shows more confidence than he actually has, he continues. "For now, you really, really should let us go if you want to have any chance of going to sleep ever again."

The death glare does not change, and Dean's throat goes dry. "Listen..."

Dean blinks, blinded by the sun. A few blinks later, he realizes that he is standing on a meadow. When he turns around, to his relief, Cas is standing there. He pulls him into a hug. A long one. He only pulls away when his cell phone chimes. It is Sam on the other end. "Hey, Sammy. I'm afraid you have to pick us up. Wait, what? All of them?"

***

"So... you're God now?", Dean asks.

"It seems so", Amara replies. "Thanks to Jack giving up his power."

"Nice. Not having a toddler as the most powerful entity in the universe, I mean. ... As for Chuck... good riddance."

She nods. "He did not care about me at all. I thought he did, but..."

"That sort of seems to be the overall theme of Chuck's creation, doesn't it?", Dean comments.

"I guess so."

Jack is smiling broadly. "We got them all back", he exclaims.

Sam puts down his phone, smiling as well. "Eileen is okay", he declares.

"Awesome", Dean mutters, but the tone does not match the message.

"Dean?", Sam asks, frowning. "Is something the matter?"

With a knowing glance, Amara looks at Dean and sighs. Raising her hands, she starts mumbling in Enochian. Behind her, a portal opens.

"Meg?", Sam asks when the figure slips through, bewildered, then remembers.

In a swift movement, Dean positions himself between Cas and the Shadow.

It shoots Sam a grin. "Hello Sam. Nice to see you again."

"Now", Amara says "There's an easy solution to make sure Castiel will not bother you again."

The figure raises its eyebrows.

"I take away his grace, make him human. That way you will never see him again and be left in peace."

"Wait, what?", Dean calls out. "You can't seriously..."

"Of course", Cas mutters. "Why did I not think of that before?"

Amara gives him a friendly smile. "Probably because a) you thought it would be better to face Chuck with your powers and b) it is not easy to give up what you are."

Dean has turned around to face Cas. "Cas..." He swallows. "There has to be another way."

"Oh, sure. You could make another stupid deal or the like", Amara comments. "But that is the only way which will not have further consequences."

"Do it", Cas says.

Amara puts her hand on Cas' forehead, and the angel's eyes glow blue. For the last time.

He blinks. "Thank you."

She beams at him. "You are welcome."

Dean's voice sounds small and quiet. "Cas, are you sure about..."

Cas turns toward him. "Dean... It is done."

"Amara...", Dean begins, but stops when he realizes that she has vanished. Together with the Shadow and the portal.

*

"You're an idiot, you know", Dean blurts out.

"Am I?", Cas retorts.

"Yes, you _are._ If you hadn't made this deal in the first place, you wouldn't be human now. Yes, I'm aware that you thought it was the only way to save Jack, but you know, usually, there is more than one way. You should have looked for another way with us. And... Why the hell didn't you tell us about the deal?"

Cas looks down on the floor. "I... I did not want to add to Sam's and your burdens."

"Frigging _hell_ , man", Dean snaps. "You didn't want to add to our burdens? What the hell did you think you dying would do to us?" He has talked himself into a hot rage. "You... You always act as if you don't matter. As if you don't matter to us." His voice cracks. "As... As if you don't matter to me." He goes quiet, staring at the floor as well. Then he takes a deep breath. "Because... you do, you know. Matter to us. Jack, Sam, me, we all need you. ... I need you."

"No, you do not."

Dean steps closer, tears in his eyes. "For crying out loud, could you _just_ listen?" His voice is barely understandable by now. "Of course you _do_ matter. ... I don't know what gave you the idea you don't. I..." 

"Dean?" Cas' eyes are wide.

"Sam never told you, did he? How I reacted every damn time we lost you? How I would... just fall apart. Because ..."

Cas is still not saying anything, his expression not unlike a deer staring at a car's headlights.

And there it is, at least. The truth. The realization washes over Dean, resulting in letting out a relieved laugh, and it feels like he is letting go of decades of self-doubt, second-guessing and inhibitions with that one laugh. "I love you too, Cas. Don't you know that?" His voice, still full of tears, has gone soft. "How could you not know that?"

"Oh", Cas brings out while Dean is pulling him into a hug. 

"Aren't angels supposed to notice such things?", Dean mumbles into the nook of his neck, voice choked.

"Uh... you told me pretty early on than that you did not like me reading you, and then I lost my full power, and..." He pauses, breaking the embrace but holding on to Dean's arms. "Dean, are you sure..."

"Of course I'm sure, dumbass", Dean replies, cupping Cas' face in his hands.

"Do you have to call me th..."

When Sam comes into the library a few minutes later, the two of them are still kissing. Carefully, he backtracks toward the corridor, mumbling to himself "Finally."

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd like to scream over Destiel, Saileen or the show in general with me, you can follow me under @loves_deancas on Twitter. (My other Twitter account @siephilde42 is mainly for Good-Omens related content.)


End file.
